7 posts from 2007

Okay, hit it boys!

Today's the day. Flying to Fiji. Our flight leaves in a few hours. We'll be ringing in the New Year somewhere over the Pacific Ocean. Not a bad way to start 2008. I'll miss my family and friends so much. I feel very fortunate to have so many people who support and love me. Thank you! It's weird to think I'll come back a different person. People can be changed from very simple experiences. Conceivably you could be changed by a trip to Ikea. But a trip around the world? It's hard to believe I won't be profoundly changed in many ways. I'm going into this with an open mind and an open heart - it's inevitable that I will learn and grow. YAY learning and growing!!! This experience isn't happening to me. I'm making it happen. I have manifested this journey out of sheer want and will. You can make, have, or do anything for God's sake! I've definitely been stuck a lot the last few years wishing and praying that I'd figure out what I want to do with my life. Really hoping I'd stumble across something that would make my heart soar. Some kind of profession I could be passionate about for the long haul. I'm still not sure what that might be and I may or may not find it on this trip. I'm not really going to be looking for the answers. I'm just going to be asking the questions. Just living. Living rules!

Wednesday, December 26, 2007

By Stuart Eskenazi
Seattle Times staff reporter

David Roderick never was one to sit on the sidelines satisfied to watch his world pass by. No, the former state legislator and World War II veteran was the type who got involved, infusing himself into the colorful waters of Democratic state politics and motivating his children to follow his lead and treat life as one big adventure.

Mr. Roderick died of respiratory failure Dec. 4 in Seattle at 86. He had suffered strokes.

"Dad was part of a really different generation, a generation that's fast on the wane," said John Roderick, of Seattle, one of Mr. Roderick's five children. "He was brought up with the idea that public service was something that any good citizen did, and he dedicated a large portion of his life working on behalf of other people."

Mr. Roderick attended Broadway High School in Seattle's Central District, where many of his friends were children of Japanese immigrants. John Roderick recounted his father's oft-told story of visiting a friend in Seattle's old Japantown only to find the family packing up, as they were being forced to move to an internment camp. He sat in a living room while a parade of white businessmen entered the house and offered next to nothing for the family's possessions.

Mr. Roderick fought the Japanese in World War II, flying planes for the U.S. Navy. "He had this tremendous conflict because so many of his friends were Japanese, but he was comfortable wrestling with those dichotomies," John Roderick said.

Mr. Roderick ran successfully for the state House in 1948, representing downtown Seattle, and served two terms while also attending University of Washington Law School.

He marched with the Rev. Martin Luther King Jr. in 1960 and pushed for civil rights in the state, joining blacks at a right-to-vote rally in Ellensburg.

"It was like a scene out of Alabama with cowboys calling out names and good old boys with pickup trucks and shotguns," John Roderick said.

Mr. Roderick worked for John F. Kennedy's presidential campaign in 1960, arriving in cities in advance of the candidate to plan the visits. He was close to many historical figures of Washington politics, including U.S. Sens. Warren Magnuson and Henry "Scoop" Jackson, and Gov. Albert Rosellini, who appointed him to his "patronage committee" that awarded state contracts.

In law school, he met U.S. District Court Judge Jack Tanner, the maverick Tacoma jurist, and the two marched side by side in civil-rights demonstrations. They remained close until Tanner died two years ago.

"At one time Dad seemed like the heir apparent, but then he lost a power struggle within the party," John Roderick said. Mr. Roderick's FDR-styled idealism was giving way to a country divided over Vietnam. Although Mr. Roderick was swept away by the sea change, he remained good natured. His humor — a sassy, sardonic wit — served him well, drawing friends and earning the love of his children.

Mr. Roderick moved to Alaska in 1971 and began another adventure. Mr. Roderick's youngest child, Susan Roderick, said her father wanted his children to be "renaissance kids," making sure they were trained in music and art and encouraging them to compete in sports. Two of his sons are professional musicians, including John, who leads the indie-rock band The Long Winters.

Susan Roderick was a competitive ski racer and snowboarder as a child and said her father "was at every one of my soccer practices — not just games — screaming at the ref or at the coach."

During ski races, he'd stand at a gate until she passed and scream, "Charge!" Although he had never snowboarded, he examined techniques of successful male racers to help his daughter improve. And he would come to her school every day, making social calls on the principal or teachers.

"I was mortified most days," Susan Roderick laughed. "He was a very dedicated, very involved dad."

Mr. Roderick is survived by brother Jack, of Anchorage; five children, David, of Seattle; Laura, of Olympia; Bartley, of Selah; John and Susan, both of Seattle; two grandchildren and one great granddaughter. Two marriages ended in divorce.

A celebration of his life is Friday from noon to 4 p.m. at Washington Athletic Club, 1325 Sixth Ave., Seattle. Memorials are to the Humane Society.

Stuart Eskenazi: 206-464-2293 or seskenazi@seattletimes.com

Copyright © 2007 The Seattle Times Company

Be Here Now

I love the feeling I get when I see a ray of sunlight break through the darkness. It makes my heart leap, my pulse quicken. It makes me feel alive.

Can I ever expect not to have attachments, not to have expectations, not to live in the past or the future? I read somewhere that the past creates our identity, the future promises salvation, and both are illusions. Traveling will help keep me planted in the present moment. It's really the greatest place to live and results in the least amount of suffering. When I am faced with stressful situations in foreign countries I need to stay in the moment, remember to "be here now." People are sometimes rude, planes are often late and flights get canceled. After walking 3 miles at 2:00 am while tired and hungry you frequently find hotels and hostels full or closed. When I'm invited to dinner and the meal happens to be boiled bull balls I will need to take a deep breath and remember that this too shall pass.

I've struggled my entire life with bringing baggage from the past into the present. We all do it, right? You know when someone makes a flippant comment, not really meaning any malice but it makes your blood boil or your insides twist? The current situation doesn't warrant your emotional response. Most of the time you have no idea where the glancing blow of emotion came from and you seem to get sideswiped like a car crashing into you out of nowhere. My boyfriend once broke up with me over something I said in an argument. I had no idea why he'd reacted so strongly. The only explanation I could come up with was that whatever I said must have evoked something from his past. Something I said must have triggered pain in his body he'd been carrying around from other relationships, from his family or maybe from our relationship. I couldn't begrudge him, I overreact to things the same way.

I'm really working hard on myself, working hard trying not to overreact. When I'm telling a story and I feel like I'm not being listened to I get very annoyed. If I were practiced at living in the present why would I care if someone wasn't listening? Maybe it's a little disrespectful not to give someone your full attention, maybe it's even a little rude. But it's not that big of a deal. If I wanted to be helpful to myself and the other person all I would have to say (in a really calm, polite tone) would be, "hey, listen to this." I think I get a wave of negative emotion because I'm still toting around pain from my past. The only real work that can be done is to catch yourself in the moment and realize that the actual situation isn't cause for the way you are feeling. It sounds easy enough but it's très, très difficile. Living in the here and now...we're all naturally doing it but fighting it every step of the way.
I wish you were here, I want you to be here now. If I were living in the moment I would accept things as they are...and just be...here and now.

So so you think you can tell
Heaven from Hell
blue skies from pain
Can you tell a green field
from a cold steel rail
A smile from a veil
Do you think you can tell
And did they get you to trade
your heroes for ghosts
Hot ashes for trees
Hot air for a cool breeze
Cold comfort for change
And did you exchange a walk on part in the war
for a lead role in a cage
How I wish how I wish you were here
We're just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl year after year
Running over the same old ground
What have you found
The same old fears
Wish you were here

If 6 was 9

You have to wonder why it is that some people respond by saying, "why would you want to do that?" People either say "wow!" or they say "why?" I think on some level everyone responds with both wow and why simultaneously. I know I do. I have wanderlust. It's been a constant companion. Why is that?

It could be that I just want to run. Maybe I'm a runner. Maybe I run from the American dream. Maybe I'm scared to commit to anything. Scared to commit to a relationship, scared to commit to a job, a city...just generally scared and running. I like to describe the feeling as a background noise or a general uneasiness. I have a hard time sitting still. I really enjoy being on the go and will jump at any chance to go on a road trip. Road trip! I wonder if I am avoiding myself. On some level I understand that in order to discover the self, you kind of have to just sit with yourself. Just sit still and listen to all the voices, let them come and go. Listen to the joys and the fears and face them head on by just sitting with them. Am I trying to avoid the mundane? Am I trying to replace the ordinary with the extraordinary? The Zen saying goes, "before enlightenment, chopping wood and carrying water, after enlightenment, chopping wood and carrying water." Life is mundane, it's unavoidable. Maybe embracing the mundane is the road to self discovery.

On the other hand maybe traveling opens your horizons and teaches you about yourself. Am I going to discover more about life by meeting people from all over the world and learning about new concepts and different values? I know from experience that you do get insight into your society, your values, your beliefs by learning about different societies, values and beliefs. I can honestly say that if I stayed within a 20 mile radius of my birthplace my entire life I wouldn't know the things I know. I wouldn't be the woman I am. Are the people who grow up in Brooklyn and never once travel to the city fearful and small minded? I don't think so but it would probably change their idea of Brooklyn if they took in Manhattan. In my mind, who doesn't want to travel? Traveling might not be as romantic and glamorous as it was in the 50's and 60's when I'd be sporting white gloves and a hat. In fact, it can be pretty degrading in this day and age with cramped, dirty planes and trains but it's still breathtakingly thrilling to me.

There is duality in all things like the relationship between mind and matter. The truth is, I can be both running from myself and finding myself simultaneously. I can be hiding and seeking. This is the work of a lifetime not of an around the world adventure. I will spend my life discovering my Self. I will spend the rest of my years trying to attain a kind of Taoist balance where the opposites coexist in perfect harmony...Yin and Yang, light and dark, active and passive, motion and stillness, the mundane and the adventure. OM

If 6 was 9

Into the Beach
So, there's a rumor that my brother has been mocking my "self discovery adventure". He supposedly said it sounds more like a worldwide beach resort tour. What-ev. It's true that my two girlfriends and I are following summer around the world. This is mostly due to the fact that our round-the-world ticket requires us to travel in one direction and we just happen to be traveling west from Seattle and just happen to be leaving in January. Our itinerary is as follows:

December 31
Seattle - Fiji
January 8
Fiji - New Zealand
January 19th
New Zealand - Australia
February 10th
Australia - Singapore
February 13th
Singapore - Indonesia
February 28th
Indonesia - Thailand, Cambodia, Laos, Viet Nam
March 23rd
Thailand - Nepal
April 7th
Nepal - India
May 10th
India - Israel
May 24th
Israel - Turkey
June 6th
Turkey - Greece, Macedonia, Croatia, Italy
June 27th
Italy - Tunisia
July 4th
Tunisia - Ireland
July 11th
England - NYC

This is all just ballpark. All of our flight dates can be changed. There are other countries we might try to see and some we might not make it to. We will be traveling overland through southeast Asia and through Europe. I want to spend as much time is Greece as possible so I might end up staying there and flying out of London in the middle of July. Who knows what will happen. That's part of the excitement.

Before the Stars

This feeling of embarking on a long unknown journey is a little scary...as well as very thrilling. I suppose most scary things are also thrilling. The feeling reminds me of going on foreign exchange my junior year of high school. I desperately wanted to leave Alaska as soon as physically possible so I began planning my year overseas when I was 13 or 14 years old. I thought of myself as prisoner of some Siberian war camp growing up in the Last Frontier. So there I was 16 years old on a flight from Barbados to St. Lucia scared to death. Wondering what the hell I had been thinking for so many years? To want to fly halfway around the world, away from my family, away from my friends to live with strangers for a year. I never realized it was a brave thing to do until it was too late.                   
                                      
When I got off the plane the sound of crickets was thundering. My new family picked me up from the airport and we drove into town to pick up some things. It was very dark and reggae and calypso music bellowed from all the open shops. I remember seeing cows and chickens in the road and women were balancing baskets on their heads. Everyone was black. Not a white person anywhere. As a blond American girl I realized I wasn't going to blend in very well. I cried myself to sleep that night. I missed my Mom so much I could hardly breathe. I felt so far away. Fortunately for me it was the last time I felt scared or lonely for the entire year. I woke up the next morning went to the beach with my family, danced at a fete and fell in love with the island. Needless to say, it changed me. Changed the way I saw the world and changed the way I saw myself. There is a lot of beauty in this world.